Forgotten History: Tulsa Race Riot

Today in forgotten history, let’s talk about the Tulsa Race Riot, which I certainly never learned about in school. Did you? Thanks to Dana Florkowski for the topic suggestion!

In 1921, the city of Tulsa, Oklahoma, was home to Greenwood District, or “Black Wall Street,” one of the most affluent African American communities in the United States at the time. Black Wall Street was composed of a business district and residential area. Almost all of the community was destroyed by June 1921 (1).

White citizens of Tulsa rioted through the Greenwood area on May 31 and June 1, looting businesses, burning buildings, and killing people. The riots started because of rumors that a young black man, Dick Rowland, had assaulted a white woman, Sarah Page, in an elevator. The details of the encounter between the two are unclear, but some sources report that Rowland did nothing more than grab Page’s arm to steady himself when he tripped while exiting the elevator. But because Page screamed, and Rowland fled, the first person to investigate assumed that Rowland had harmed Page. As the story got passed around town, it got more and more exaggerated, and the white rioters reacted by burning down Black Wall Street (2). Hundreds of people, mostly black, were killed, with hundreds more treated by injuries. The Governor of Tulsa even declared martial law, and National Guard troops arrived in Tulsa to assist in controlling fires and imprisoning black Tulsans instead of white rioters. No whites were arrested even though they openly talked about what they had done (3).

Black man detained during the riot, from the Tulsa Historical Society

The city of Tulsa publicly promised that it would pay restitution to the black community and rehabilitate the streets, businesses, and homes that had been destroyed. But that never happened. Millions of dollars in insurance claims were denied, and blacks steadily moved away from the area to start over somewhere else. In later years, survivors and descendants of those who died tried to sue the state for damages from the riot, but the statute of limitations had expired on the civil rights lawsuits. Most people, even those in Tulsa, have no idea the event ever even happened (2).

This is only one of many, many race riots that have occurred in the United States that history books and teachers often do not even mention. Maybe it’s because they don’t align with a “USA!” mindset. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to confront our bloody history. Maybe it’s because the lives lost during these riots, and the motivations behind them, are not considered important. The Tulsa race riot seems to obviously illustrate this point to me, among others – the hundreds of black lives lost that day were not considered important, at least not important enough for Tulsa to put money and real efforts behind its empty promises to rebuild the black community.

But even more marked is the lack of reparations or justice for those people even today. It took 80 years for the city of Tulsa to issue an official apology. And as of 2014, the Tulsa Historical Society, the Greenwood Cultural Center and the University of Tulsa pushed to increase visibility of the riot, but the riot archive was put on an app that users had to pay for, which limits the audience. Federal representative Conyers of Michigan also introduces a bill each year to try and remove the statute of limitations on the lawsuits related to the riot, but it has not progressed very far yet and is unlikely to unless the composition of Congress changes. It is likely that all of the survivors of the riots will die without receiving restitution (2). In this country, where we put our money shows what we care about. And in this situation, and too many more, that is not with black lives.

Knowing about the Tulsa Race Riot, the Red Summer of 1919, and other similar events in United States history is the first step to moving our country toward one that is more empathetic and truly wants to give not only lip service, but actual money, time, and resources to apologize for our wrong-doings and prevent future ones.  Thanks for reading.

(1) Tulsa Historical Society & Museum, 1921 Tulsa Race Riot, http://tulsahistory.org/learn/online-exhibits/the-tulsa-race-riot/
(2) Dexter Mullins, Survivors of infamous 1921 Tulsa Race Riot Still Hope for Justice, Aljazeera America (July 19, 2014), http://america.aljazeera.com/articles/2014/7/19/survivors-of-infamous1921tulsaraceriotstillhopeforjustice.html
(3) PBS, Jim Crow Stories: Tulsa Riot, http://www.pbs.org/wnet/jimcrow/stories_events_tulsa.html

Forgotten History: The Chinese Massacre of 1871

This new “Forgotten History” series details important events in American history that I never learned about in primary or secondary education, or that were recommended to me by my peers. The forgotten events, people, and ideas are too often about classes of individuals who have been historically subordinated in the United States, like racial minorities, LGBTQ individuals, women, and people of low socioeconomic status, to name a few. The history we learn in school, and therefore often the history that shapes our view of the country, is largely skewed toward the narrative of the property-owning white man.

I want to change this. So I’m starting this series in the hopes that it will create awareness for forgotten moments in history that are not only important themselves, but also incredibly significant in the grander scheme of how the United States was shaped. I hope in particular that people who might have preconceived notions about the struggles (or lack thereof) of certain marginalized groups can learn something and consider changing their attitudes and have more empathy.

So first, thanks for being here and following the series. Second, of course I need your help. The people who will benefit the most from it are definitely not just those in my network of connections. So here are a few things you can do:

1. I am still working on a better name for the series, so if you have any suggestions please let me know!
2. If you know of events in forgotten history that you would like to see featured here, contact me! I want to write about what my readers care about.
3. Please please share these links so that others can be educated. I will try to keep the pieces short and interesting.

Thanks y’all, and keep up the good fight. Keep reading to learn about the largest mass lynching in the United States – it might not be what the internet, or schools, have told you.

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The largest mass lynching in United States history was committed in 1871 in Los Angeles, California. On October 24, 1871, at least 17 Chinese immigrants were tortured and hung by a mob of over 500 white men.

The massacre was racially motivated, triggered by the death of Robert Thompson, a local rancher, who got caught in the midst of a gun battle between two Chinese factions. Almost every Chinese-occupied building on Calle de los Negros in Los Angeles was raided and all Chinese residents were attacked or robbed. The 17 to 20 Chinese immigrants who were lynched were hanged at three places near the downtown business section of the city.

Only ten out of 500 rioters were brought to trial after the massacre. Eight were convicted, but those convictions were thrown out almost immediately on a legal technicality.

When you Google “largest mass lynching in American history,” many sources will tell you it was the horrific mass lynching of 11 Italians in New Orleans on March 14, 1891. The 1871 massacre of Chinese immigrants is largely forgotten in history not only because it, and other anti-Chinese moments in history (for example, the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882) are not taught in school, but also because Los Angeles worked very hard to cover it up. The truth about the Chinese massacre was hidden from the public eye for over a hundred years, because of the involvement of some of Los Angeles’s leading citizens. These men were powerful enough to not only affect the convictions but also cover up the massacre itself. You can read more here if you’re interested.

This massacre of Chinese immigrants represented anti-Chinese sentiment at the time, set the stage for future anti-Chinese legislation and actions, and is only one example of so many events significant to minorities that have been hidden, and therefore forgotten.

Why We Should Help Brock Turner

Trigger warning: sexual assault.

Several months ago, Brock Turner was convicted of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. He was given six months in jail, to be followed by three years of probation. However, due to good behavior, he was released recently after only three months. The public reception to the outcome to his case has been largely critical, of Judge Persky, Turner, Turner’s family and friends, and the rape culture that has been cultivated over the years by society. People called for recall of Judge Persky, a longer sentence for Turner, even castration.

However, one thing that I heard very little, if anything, about was rehabilitation. Yes, there should be more serious consideration of rape cases and scrutiny of how we treat rapists and victims. Yes, there should be longer sentences given to rapists, and less discretion left to the judges. Yes, rapists need to be held accountable for their actions. Yes, rapists ruin the lives of their victims, and that needs to be addressed. However, just putting people in jail does not solve our problem. Putting people in jail, and indefinitely labeling them as “criminal,” “rapist”…that only makes our problem worse.

Rape is a product of rape culture, which is the product of a lot of toxic things in our society. Expectations of hyper-masculinity, harmful belief systems about relationships and power dynamics, objectification of bodies and individuals, victim blaming, warped perceptions of what is acceptable in private relationships and in public, and other factors normalize and condone the idea of rape. Rape culture is our problem. It is what needs to be fixed.

Restorative justice, which shifts the focus of our criminal justice system to rehabilitation instead of just punishment, is one way to address these factors. Along with social campaigns and early childhood education, there needs to be a change in how we approach people who commit rape. We need to start seeing them as people who can change, people who can be helped, and people who can ultimately realize that what they have done is wrong and go on to be productive members of society. Only then can we begin to recognize how rape culture is affecting everyone, and what we can do to stop it.

A few key points about restorative justice and why we need it:

1. Rapists in the United States generally do not get life sentences, so they are likely going to be released into society anyway. If we don’t help them during their time in prison, they will be released the same person they were before, and what is going to stop them from committing the same or a similar kind of crime? The deterrent effect of a few months or even years in jail is nothing compared to the influence of rape culture in society. Some might argue, then, that we should implement mandatory life sentences for rape. But what kind of a society would we be if all we do to criminals is throw them in jail and forget about them? This leads me to my next point…
2. Restorative justice requires that we believe in people. I recognize, and can personally confirm, that this is incredibly challenging, especially when someone has committed a hateful, hurtful crime, or harmed someone close to you, or you personally. But if we don’t even try to believe in people, we will just end up with more fear, cynicism, and full jails. And the root causes of the violence and rape would never get addressed. It doesn’t help any of us long term.
3. The rehabilitation programs would teach rapists about rape culture, power dynamics, anger and impulse management, healthy relationships, and other relevant topics, as well as provide certain practical skills like improving mental health, teaching self-management, maintaining healthy relationships with drugs and alcohol, teaching skills in prioritizing, etc. It has been shown that the most effective rehabilitation programs (in the context of rape, but also domestic violence and drug offenses) do not just preach feminist theory. They combine those lessons with real-life skills that will help the offender live a self-sufficient, crime-free life once they leave prison. While there has not been extensive research done, we need to shift our attitudes so that we can start spending some time and resources to do that research and find out exactly what the most effective program would look like.
4. Restorative justice enhances accountability; it doesn’t sidestep it. Rehabilitation would become a part of the criminal justice system alongside punitive measures like jail sentences. It would not yet replace jail sentences; there is certainly something to be said about society’s current perception of the deterrent effect of jail time. But enforcing rehabilitation programs would show rapists exactly why what they have done is wrong, and how to change their ideas about the world and other people. Throwing someone in jail doesn’t have that aspect of accountability at all.
5. Rehabilitation also focuses on the offender instead of the fault of the victim. While the victim needs to be supported in other ways, oftentimes society turns to the victim to blame them for being in the wrong place/wearing the wrong clothes/saying the wrong things. Restorative justice focuses all of the fault on the rapist, but then works to correct the attitudes and actions that led to the rape.
6. Given the shift of focus to the offender, I want to be clear that I recognize that survivor support systems need resources and time and people just as much, if not more. However, these ideas are not mutually exclusive – while we do need to prioritize to a certain extent, the support of survivors and the rehabilitation of offenders are so related in tackling the issue of sexual assault that both require time and dedication to break down the issue.
7. There are some rehabilitation programs for rapists currently in the United States, but they are mostly voluntary or have not been studied enough to prove their effectiveness. Aside from shifting the public’s mindset about offenders, there needs to be concrete collaboration with legislators, judges, and prosecutors to ensure that rehabilitation programs are funded and filled as a mandatory part of a sentence.
8. We might want to say that offenders like Brock Turner, who have not really been forthcoming with remorse or a desire to change, will never change. And there is certainly a small minority of offenders who can not be helped. But how will we really know who they are, and how will we know how much capacity someone has for change once they are separated from the societal forces that have impacted them, if we don’t try to help everyone?

As a strong believer in restorative justice, and someone who hopes to continue to work in the law and nonprofit world to address these issues, I really appreciate all constructive criticism, feedback, and support for this topic. Let me know either in the comments or by messaging me privately what you think. Thanks for reading.

re: emotional abuse, body image

Re: Resting Bitch Face

-hillary li

Featured Femmegade: Vishal Jain

Welcome back to the blog, friends! Sorry I’ve been MIA for the summer, and glad to be back and to be kicking it off with a fantastic guest post!

Vishal Jain, the author of this post, is one of the most thoughtful, selfless, caring people I know. From the first day I met him at a leadership retreat my sophomore year of college, he has always shown me that he is willing to go the distance, out of his way, out on a limb, bend over backwards, etc., to be there for the people he cares about. He also shown me that, to better care for the diverse people in his life, he is willing to have difficult conversations, particularly about privilege and discrimination. He’s been an advocate for survivors of sexual assault, and an integral part of the conversation on Emory’s campus about sexual assault particularly in the Greek life context. So today I’m excited to feature a piece he has written on how, from a male’s perspective, all people can better contribute to the feminist movement. Thanks for reading 🙂

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Feminism: You’re Invited!

Meet Vishal 🙂

During my last year of college I took a course on women, religion, and ethnographies. I was a business major in school and I took this class purely out of interest, to have an experience outside of the throes of my major. I was the only male in the class, which obviously came with some interesting stipulations.

At the end of the class we were all asked to do a research assignment that related back to the material that we covered. As I thought about what to write about, my mind kept going to thoughts of “feminism” and how it came out in the classroom, in my life, and in my own head. The fact that I was the only male that signed up for the class gave me a thought, why is it that more men aren’t in this class? And more importantly, why aren’t more men speaking up about feminism?

I decided to do some research; I interviewed a group of men and women (20 total, 10 men and 10 women) and asked some basic questions: Do you consider yourself to be a feminist? Why/Why not? What does feminism mean to you? Etc. The results I got were extremely interesting. 100% of men answered “yes” to being a feminist, and only 50% of women answered no. When asked why, some men said that if they didn’t identify as feminist they would be classified as sexist (most also said that they look for equality in society. There is still hope in the world, I promise). Women on the other hand told me that being a feminist came with a radical and negative stigma, one that they did not want. As I talked to more of the females, they asked me the same questions back and I told them my views on feminism. I want the playing field to be equal, for each person to be recognized and valued for every little part of who they are, not simply a factor of genetics. Interestingly enough, every female that answered no to being a feminist replied by saying “If that’s feminism, then I’m a feminist for sure.”

1 year later, I still think about those conversations. I think about talking with men about their experiences with being stifled or criticized on how they express their feminism. I think about the women that keep their voices down, or stay silent because they feel that if they speak up, they’ll be classified as a radical and rash. But most importantly I think about the fact that every individual I talked to wanted the same thing. They all wanted a world where we were treated as equals and individuals. From my conversations and interactions with others I’ve learned a few things about feminism that I think could help us all get closer to this shared goal:

Keep the conversation open.

My dad is and has been someone that I actively look up to. He was the one who inspired the feminist flame within me after he came home one day and badgered me to read his idea of the bible: “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg. Something that I’ve noticed he does is that he makes an active effort to include everyone around him in a conversation. When the men at a dinner party are talking politics, he’ll make an active effort to go to the “wives tables” and get them fired up about the topic and effectively create one big conversation. In college I was involved in Sexual Assault advocacy, or tried to be. Every now and then my opinion or thoughts would be disregarded because “you’re a man, you don’t know what it feels like”. This happened so many times, that I began to disassociate from some organizations and walk my own path to advocacy. Sure, I could do that, but it doesn’t mean I wanted to. Sometimes it’s nice to be invited to the conversation rather than forcing our way in.

Inequality Affects All of Us.

After college I went to work for a management consulting firm, in hopes of finding myself professionally. Corporate America isn’t exactly the apex of social equality, but it has taught me some important lessons. Within a few days of our orientation program I quickly noticed something, our whole leadership team was all males except for one partner. Interestingly I noticed my new hire class on the other hand was a pretty even 50/50 split between men and women. More interestingly, later in the orientation one our leadership team got up in front of everyone and said what we were all thinking, “We need more women in leadership roles, it’s not good for us to keep things the way they are”. He explained that this lack of diversity not only inhibits the quality of leadership conversations, but it discourages women in the firm from pushing themselves further up and it has led to failed sales pitches because our clients (who are all retailers by the way) don’t feel like we can properly understand their business without equal representation. In that moment I gained a new respect for my firm for admitting these facts, but I was also hit with a great feeling of surprise; who would have guessed that even scary, testosterone filled corporate America was at a detriment from a lack of gender equality.

Speak the truth, but your truth.

One of the most common phrases I’ve heard in emotional conversations is “stop pretending like you understand me, you don’t know what it’s like to be me”. In college I went through Sexual Assault Peer Advocacy training and during that training was taught to avoid the words “I understand”. The fact of the matter is that we cannot possibly 100% understand another person’s struggles, we aren’t that other person. Men are not women, we haven’t experienced the same kind of discrimination that they have faced. What we can all understand is our own struggles and conflicts. If you want to speak up, and men this applies especially to you, talk about your own experiences and your own thoughts and opinions. Because no one can deny those things, the past is a truth. If you have been directly affected by the lack of equality, or have an opinion for a personal reason then share it. There’s a fine line between putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, and trying to steal the other person’s shoes. Stealing is wrong, instead be considerate and speak your truth, the truth really will set you free.

Vishal enjoys wearing dresses, and often does, because gender norms are there to be broken!

Redefine the word.

This one is for all those out there who regard the word “feminism” in the same way they do an air raid siren; running for cover the second they hear it. Society might define a feminist as a radical, bra burning, man hater, but that doesn’t mean you can’t write your own definition like a real life Urban Dictionary. Walk into the streets, fight the good fight, and when someone asks why say “because I’m a feminist”. If we associate the word with the things we want it to be associated with, the idea will spread.

Things to Remember During APAHM

Happy APAHM everyone! What is APAHM, you ask? It’s definitely not a commonly used acronym, although it should be and hopefully will become more visible as the conversation continues to grow.

But it stands for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, or Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month, and it’s the month of May! So, in celebration of this very important and oft forgotten hertage month, here are a few quick things to take with you:

Board of the North Carolina Asian American Civil Rights Conference this year, aka some people who keep me going in the fight for Asian American rights

1) There are a lot of different kinds of Asian cultures. Asia is a huge continent, and includes a ton of countries and cultures, not just the main three that people always assume first: Chinese, Korean, Japanese. It also includes Thailand, the Philippines, Mongolia, etc. Do your research, and ask individuals where they are from before you assume.

Also, please stop saying “oh, you’re from India/Pakistan/etc…? You’re not Asian.” If someone from India identifies as Asian, they identify as Asian. India is part of Asia. It’s none of our jobs to take that away from anyone.

2) There are a lot of different kinds of Asian experiences. There are so many stereotypes of Asians that get tossed around. While some of them may be true for some of us, they are likely not true for all of us, and we are not defined by them. I’m not good at math. I don’t have a 4.0. I can’t eat whatever I want and stay skinny. I never played the violin. I’m not (always) a bad driver. These stereotypes are harmful not only because they are offensive and make me feel like I need to be a certain way, but also because they reinforce false ideas about Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders that lead to further racism and ignorance.

3) It is not ok to be racist toward Asians. It is not ok to be racist toward anyone, but these days, the Asian racial justice narrative is often forgotten, for various reasons, and people still think it is ok to be racist towards Asians even though they’ve gotten a lot more politically correct in other aspects (potentially problematic in its own right, but that’s a topic for another day…). So just remember to check yourself before you think or say anything that might be racist or stereotypical, even if you think it’s a joke. For another project I started, Now We Speak, I interviewed several Asian Americans about their experiences of discrimination. They are diverse in their experiences, just like they are diverse as individuals. Check out the project for their stories, and consider thinking about whether you’ve said or done some of the things they discuss. It can be easy to make comments that we sometimes don’t know are hurtful; the important thing is to change once we learn that they are.

4) There is a difference between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation. I think this article from Everyday Feminism does a great job of discussing this distinction, without being too extreme like some other articles I’ve seen. To me, the bottom line is, appreciation is about being open to learning about an individual’s culture and appreciating it for what that person presents it as. Appropriation is about taking that culture and taking ownership of it yourself or transforming it so that it will appeal to a wider, usually whiter, audience. Some key examples are dressing as a geisha or wearing a sari for Halloween, kimono-style robes from Urban Outfitters, and the always popular Chinese character tattoos if they are used because they are “exotic.”

Please stop this.

5) Relatedly, please be careful about exoticizing the Asian culture. Joking that someone has “yellow fever” is not appropriate. Sketches like this that make commonly eaten Asian food look disgusting or appalling are not funny. Telling me that because I’m Asian I’m an “exotic beauty” or that “I’ve never hooked up with an Asian before, I wonder what that’s like” is not only rude and offensive, but also makes me feel like I’m just a fetish…or a porn search term.

6) Make an effort to learn about and really celebrate Asian American history and diversity. Share articles about Asian American leaders (hbd Yuri Kochiyama). Do research on the history of Asian Americans in the United States – we don’t always learn a lot about the Chinese Exclusion Act or Japanese internment in school. Try new foods, with an open mind to what they mean to Asians, not just because they “look gross” or “seem weird.” Talk to your Asian American and Pacific Islander friends about their experience with that aspect of their identity, and remember that while you may not be able to relate, you can be there to support and listen to them. There are so many other things you can do; these are just some suggestions.

Yuri Kochiyama, an Asian American activist who fought for civil rights with Malcolm X and others

As I probably say at least once a week, the Asian American narrative is often lost in the United States. It is up to all of us to keep it alive, and not let it be forgotten. Thanks for reading, and have a great APAHM 🙂

What is Wrong With How We Talk About Diversity?

A wise law professor said at a law school event this past week, “I take issue with the way we talk about diversity these days.” He continued on to talk about how the current discourse about “diversity,” particularly in higher education settings, generally revolves around the experiences of minorities. When reflecting on the opportunities afforded “diverse” students, the initiatives promoting “diversity,” and many discussions I have had about “diversity” with my peers, I realized that this is true. I’ve had countless classmates tell me “I’m not diverse, I’m not going to that event.” On the other side, I’ve also heard “why is that person at this meeting? He’s not diverse at all.”

While the experiences of minority populations are extremely important, focusing the discussion of diversity on only those experiences excludes people who are not typically considered minorities – in particular, white, cis-gendered, able-bodied, heterosexual males. And although it may not seem like it at first glance, this is a problem.

The problem is that it makes those who are not included in the conversation feel like they have no stake in the issues and do not need to take ownership of the topic. Like the student who says “I’m not diverse, I’m not going to that event,” people in the majority often feel like they do not belong in the discussions or will be judged for their privilege. And while pure diversity is important, it is almost nothing without inclusion.

This is not to say that it is the job of the minority or those already involved in the movement to bring the majority in. The minority should not have to bear any further burden than they already do, and the majority should want to take ownership of the issues themselves. Instead, this is to say that if we re-frame the way we talk about diversity, hopefully more people can feel included and then become bearers of the burden that those of us who face oppression and discrimination every day already carry.

Everyone contributes to diversity. The very definition of diversity is just variety, difference, multiplicity. The way we talk about it society is what has made it more limited. But in the fight against oppression and prejudice, we need as many allies as possible. So the discourse should not exclude anyone.

We need to change the conversation to include everyone. A huge difficulty with this, however, is the fact that because of white privilege and male privilege, there is a tendency for people to respect white males over any other people in almost every setting. So if we bring them into the conversation about diversity, won’t that center it around them? Won’t that take away from what little role and respect minorities already get? Not if we do it right. Those who are marginalized should still have the power, but there are a couple nuances to that:

1) I think a very basic change we can make is to start talking about diversity and inclusion, not just diversity. This may not seem like it make a big difference, but I believe that the way we talk about things affects the way we view and act towards things. So the hope is that if we talk about inclusion, we will remember that everyone should be included in diversity, and that everyone has a role.

2) There should not be pressure put on people to “represent” diversity or represent a group they identify with. Being in a law school where I am one of five Asian women in my class, I often feel a lot of pressure to speak out about Asian American issues, give my opinion when relevant cases come up in class, or represent all of the Asian American community during diversity events. While I do speak up, I do it because the racial justice movement is something that I am passionate about and that I’ve invested a lot of time in. And I make sure to speak only as myself, from my own experiences. I never claim to speak for the Asian American experience because it is so diverse. Demanding that an individual “represent” diversity or a group of people only reinforces assumptions that a group of people can be generalized, and often stereotypes that are already rampant in society. It also places more burden on people, often those who are already marginalized and carrying a heavy weight. The conversation about diversity is something that includes all of us, and we all have something that we can talk about. We should value people for who they are as individuals, and what they contribute to the conversation from their particular background and story. This will help us get a fuller understanding of diversity.

3) Those with privilege need to realize they are included in the conversation so that they can be allies, not necessarily leaders. While it is not necessarily awful for a man to lead a talk about gender inequality or a heterosexual person to lead a LGBTQ organization, I think it is much more effective when the power is the hands of those who understand the struggle most intimately and can provide the most honest perspective. There is a fine line between supporting a cause and making it about yourself; an example of the latter is the journalist who attempted to celebrate the cultures of certain African tribes by transforming herself into women from those tribes. The project not only used blackface, but also made the entire conversation about herself instead of the women she was trying to showcase. While her intent might have been good, she took attention away from the actual stories and experiences of the women. An alternative would have been to be an ally to the women, and showcase their stories and their faces without any attribution to the journalist besides maybe a byline. When we recognize that we have privilege in a space, including a space where we are talking about diversity, we need to realize that with privilege comes power, and we need to give that power to those who don’t have it. We need to use that power to uplift the voices of those who are silenced.

The fight for inclusion is something that every single person in this world should care about. People around you every day are struggling with oppression, discrimination, prejudice, hate, just for being who they are. If you experience this, be strong and fight and stand tall, and there are people who support you. If you have never experienced this, try to have empathy for those who have. Together, we can make this not only a diverse world, but a inclusive, loving one. 

Let me know what you think of this topic! As always, I’m open to feedback and thoughts 🙂 Thanks, Femmegades, and keep on keeping on.

A Couple Words on Relapse

For me, it’s my body image issues. The relapse often looks like food guilt, extra exercise, or, on a particularly dark day, a purge. It generally happens around times of stress, which is I felt that now, finals time, would be a good time to address this. For others, it may be an addiction, anxiety, a relationship. The relapse may look like a cigarette, a bad panic attack, a drunk dial, or worse. Regardless of what it is, it never feels good. When I relapse, I feel weak, like I haven’t made progress, like I will never get better.

But none of that  is true. My couple words on relapse today are: it’s okay.

It’s okay. Healing is not linear, and relapse is a natural part of the recovery process. It is important to remember to forgive yourself when it happens, and keep your head up. When I slip, it only makes it worse to beat myself up about it. I usually try to step back from the situation, look at my tattoo, and remind myself of all of the things that I know: that I am worthy of self-love, that societal expectations are bullshit, that health is more important than fitting a standard, that I have come so far from where I was only a few years ago, that my body is strong and beautiful and capable. And then I try to see each new moment, each new day as another chance to love myself.

It’s okay. The recovery process is just that, a process. It takes time, and sometimes it is something that we will deal with for the rest of our lives. I can’t say that I will ever completely leave my history of disordered eating and body image issues behind; maybe I will, but maybe certain things will always trigger me. Regardless, I cannot live my life shackled by those things. I have to keep fighting and keep making progress.

It’s okay. There are resources and people who can help you if you find yourself relapsing hard and often, or even if you’re not and just want to talk to someone. Don’t ever feel like you have to deal with something alone. If you ever want to talk to me about something I’ve said that has resonated with you here or in another post, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Honestly. It’s okay. I have been there. Other people have been there. So many of us have been there. It’s okay.

A Plea for Sensitivity

This past week, both my alma mater Emory University and my current state of North Carolina have been making headlines and trending on Facebook.

At Emory, phrases promoting Donald Trump for President were chalked all over the main campus, in particular around the areas leading to diverse student spaces. After this happened, students responded by washing off the statements, protesting the administration, and asking President Wagner to address the incident with the university. This response generated fierce responses on both sides of the argument. On one side, students argue for sensitivity to an offensive display of racism and a validating response by Emory administration, which has ignored the plights of students of color in the past. On the other side, reporters and other students respond that this was a display of political speech that should be protected under the First Amendment, and, relatedly, that the complaining students are being oversensitive. It appears, first of all, that the arguments are missing each other – the students of color are not asking for a legal response or “traumatized” by the political challenge. They are are just asking the administration to value their experiences and feelings, and to respect their freedom of speech as well.

In North Carolina, the General Assembly, which has a track record of passing bills that restrict the rights of people of color, low income people, and LGBTQ people, recently passed a bill that invalidated the city of Charlotte’s protections for LGBTQ people. The bill bans, among other things, allowing transgender individuals to use the bathroom of the gender with which they identify, and keeps Charlotte from adding future nondiscrimination provisions. Essentially, with this bill, LGBTQ people receive no protection under the law in North Carolina.

Given all this in the last few days, this is my plea for sensitivity to marginalized people. I have spent hours thinking about how to help people, generally those not directly impacted by the issues, be more empathetic and sensitive to the plights of those around them, and I have not figured out something that always works. Is it a matter of face-to-face interaction with those people? Is it a matter of showing experiences? Is it a matter of recognizing privilege first? Maybe it’s a combination of all of these things. But this time I am going to try just telling you. I am telling you that this is important and that in order for the country and the world to become better, it needs to be done.

We need to be more sensitive to the issues of people in the margins, regardless of what characteristic places them there – race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, SES, etc. First, don’t tell anyone else that they should not feel harmed or that they are being oversensitive. Think about how it would feel if it were flipped. Think about something traumatizing or hurtful that has happened to you. Imagine if you were to tell me about that experience and express how you felt when it happened. Then imagine that I responded, “why are you so sensitive? That’s not a big deal.” How would you feel? I would guess that you would feel invalidated, like your feelings did not matter, like your experience did not matter. This is how marginalized people are treated every day. 

In the Emory case, the administration and others are making students of color feel like they do not matter. Chalking in favor of Donald Trump may not make you personally feel attacked, but especially given his long record of racist, xenophobic, and misogynistic comments and policies, it is not your place to say that students of color should feel the same way you do.

In North Carolina, the legislators and governor are making LGBTQ people feel like they are less and their needs do not matter. This may or may not have been the intent behind the actions, but it is the impact.

No one is expecting you to know how people feel or know every time something is inappropriate, but hold yourself accountable for being open to understanding. When someone tells you that something has harmed them, listen and realize that this is their experience, not yours.

Second, please please think about people other than yourself. I realize that this is difficult, but it is necessary. You may be a white male with a nice job and a strong family and a good education sitting in the House of Representatives of North Carolina…but your state, the country, and the world is not all like you. There are people around you suffering every day from oppression from a system that strangles and snuffs out the voices of people of color and other marginalized groups. We have a presidential candidate who thinks that women, people of color, Muslims, LGBTQ people, and others don’t deserve the same rights that the majority does. If you are a white male, you will never know exactly what it feels like to have a country and a system that opposes everything that you are and stand for. So try to think about those other people instead of acting like you and your interests represent everyone and are the best for everyone.

To be clear, I am not saying that people in the majority do not deserve a voice or a place in the conversation. That is not it at all; it would be hypocritical to say that we can just be insensitive to the majority. I think that everyone deserves to be respected, but at the same time it is most often that the marginalized people are the ones being pushed even further into the gutters of society.

An example that has been in the news a lot recently in different states since Obergefell passed is the idea of religious freedom vs. discrimination against LGBTQ people. The Christian majority argues that we need to be sensitive to their exercise of religion if they believe that gay marriage is wrong. The LGBTQ minority argues that we need to be sensitive to their right to not be discriminated against. I think both of these things need to be respected, but the difference is that the majority’s opinion is hurting a minority group’s rights, while the minority’s desire to get married does not hurt the majority group’s rights. Christians are not being banned from believing what they believe or going to church or practicing their religion. But LGBTQ people are being banned from getting married. Why should the majority be able to impose their beliefs on the lives and livelihoods of the minority?

I also do encourage everyone to be an ally to the movement. However, before you can be an ally, you need to realize that these problems are real. You cannot brush them off as people being “weak” or “oversensitive” or asking for too much. When you are in the majority, and thus accustomed to privilege, I know it feels like any kind of oppression of your voice or your stance is unfair. However, when you are in that space all the time, you don’t realize what it means to be equal. You don’t realize that you might need to sacrifice some of your power or space to that someone who has been oppressed their whole lives can finally find equal ground with you.

This applies to every aspect of your identity. You can have privilege in certain areas and not others. A personal example I can give is my privilege as a cis-gendered, heterosexual person. While I feel marginalized by society as an Asian and a woman, because I identify with the gender that corresponds with my biological sex, and I am heterosexual, I have the privilege of navigating a society that is structured around that part of who I am. I don’t face stigma or discrimination based on my sexual orientation or gender identity. I have no problems deciding which bathroom to go into. I see heterosexual couples and relationships depicted in the media and advertisements. The list goes on. I try to recognize this privilege as I move through the world, and realize that not everyone has that. And I do what I can to be an ally to LGBTQ people who are oppressed because of their identity. I would never tell an LGBTQ person that they are being overly sensitive if they were to complain about problems they face. I don’t feel like I have any right to because it is not my experience.

This is something that we can all work on, so please think about it. Please think about people who have difference identities, stories, and feelings than you. Please be sensitive to the oppression and inequality around you. Please.